Musings of a Self-Proclaimed Deadweight
by mashiro.x.shiina
Summary: A burden. Such a small, seemingly insignificant word, yet it acts as a chain, keeping that voice in my head whispering "pathetic." I don't understand why my inner must keep reminding me, she knows I agree with her.
1. Self-Reflection

Hello everyone, Shiina here! This is my very first fanfiction, so please be patient with me. This will be a collection of drabbles all written from Sakura's POV. This is a new project for me, as I'm trying a new writing style and actually sharing my writing for once. I really hope y'all enjoy! Thanks for reading!

Disclaimer: Unfortunately the world of Naruto is not, and will never be, mine.

Musing #1: Self-Reflection

A burden. Such a small, seemingly insignificant word, yet it acts as a chain, keeping that voice in my head whispering "pathetic." I once thought of my inner as friend, a companion to keep me company when Ino was busy with her other friends. That was years ago, now my inner is simply a reflection of myself: a hindrance.

It's funny- I always thought I was a terrible actress, yet it seems I have everyone fooled. Yesterday, at our monthly "Girls Night," Hinata complimented me on my confidence. How humorous. Perhaps she thought I was Ino? Not sure how that'd be possible given my pink hair, but I simply couldn't understand her comment. Have I not always been the weak-link in team 7? The one always needing saving? I was at a lost for words- I merely smiled.

"Deadweight." I still remember when Naruto was the one who held that title. I'm ashamed to admit I agreed once. He, the boy who, against all odds, became the Hero of the Shinobi World, was once seen as a burden. It's only natural his old title be passed on to another. I haven't been called that publicly since Sasuke was a member of team 7, but I'm certain it's been burning my teammate's mouths. I've always been a step behind them, my boys. Naruto always insists I'm an asset of the team, the one to keep him and Sai in line. Even Yamato feels the need to lie, saying without me they'd probably all be dead. That's silly though; there are plenty of other medics.

I wonder if Tsunade-shishou regrets taking me as an apprentice. I certainly tried my best under her, yet I only managed to become a mediocre medic-nin. Perhaps she questions her decision as well. I won't lie and say I haven't heard the rumors. Some say I've surpassed her, but, as flattering as that is, I know I'm incapable of fulfilling those words. I will never amount to such success.

I wish I could turn off my inner. What a joy that would be- to be rid of her constant mutterings. She knows I agree with her, but it seems I need a constant reminder of my failures. Deadweight, burden, hindrance. Welcome to the life of Sakura Haruno.


	2. Deserving

Hello everyone! I apologize for the long wait, but things have been ridiculously hectic lately. I never really explained just what I planned to do with this story, so I'll do so now. This will be a collection of drabbles written from Sakura's point of view. They circumstances within them will be my own, and will rarely be her view on a canon happening. There won't be a particular order to the chapters/drabbles, they'll simply be whatever popped in my head, whether it be past, present, or future in the Naruto-verse. Thanks to everyone who takes the time to read this, I love each of you and appreciate your support!

Musing #2: Deserving

* * *

It isn't a secret how my idiot teammate feels for me. While he no longer shouts it from the rooftops nor constantly pesters me for dates, one can see his affection if they choose to simply watch.

In truth, I didn't always notice. I had believed he only had a child-like crush on me, and that it'd fade with time. I foolishly belittled him and laughed at his proclamations of "love." Once Naruto's behavior shifted, my inner spoke the words I thought to be true, "he never could've loved me." It took me a long time to understand why I suddenly felt so cold.

It was only after the war that I saw it. During one of our weekly shogi matches, Shikamaru told me it was time to open my eyes. Being the bastard that he is, he refused to explain himself and simply made his next move.

I grew a bit detached after that – I couldn't stop repeating his words in my head: "wake up." I began to obsessively observe those around me, whether it be a stranger crossing the street or Ino's change of breathing whenever she'd spot Choji.

Eventually it became clear. I saw the love in Naruto's eyes whenever I enthused about my newest medical research, or the way his arms moved like lead when I pulled away from his "good luck" hugs. I could see that he loved me.

I think I always knew deep down that I returned his feelings. Well, I suppose "always" is a bit of a stretch. I denied it for so long, yet I can now, years later, pinpoint when it happened. I fell the instant I literally held his heart in my hand. The moment I felt my own heart stop in fear. I ignored it though, the love that gripped me.

Once I, as I like to put it, got my head out of my ass, I was lost. Inner whispered in the darkest trenches of my soul that happiness was within grasp – that _Naruto_ was within grasp. I nearly gave in, but I knew I shouldn't.

She never hid her love. I suppose that's something Hinata and Naruto both share. She treated him well, with tender eyes and a soothing lilt to her voice. I've only treated him with the after-effects of my temper and rejection. What kind of person would I be to claim his heart?

No matter what Ino may say, I'm not stupid. I know I'm not deserving, and when I fail to return his hug, I'll quiet the most selfish of my thoughts with a whispered, "it should be her."


	3. Warmth

Hey y'all! Sorry it's been so long since I've updated. This semester was ridiculously stressful, but I survived- so here I am. This isn't my favorite drabble, but I figured I'd share it anyways! I was trying something a bit different with the style of this, and while it isn't perfect it was a nice challenge to try something a bit different.

Musing #3: Warmth

* * *

The floor is so cold; my cheek feels frozen resting on the bathroom tile. The banging on my door could be heard throughout the entire apartment.

The floor is so cold. I felt my body curl into a ball. I bet she felt colder. I shouldn't complain. I don't deserve to complain.

Body heat. The warmth of blood. As a medic, I know those sensations. With my hands holding other's lives, they know human warmth well.

The floor is so cold. Just like I'm sure she is now. Her once warm blood is now dried and cracking. I never changed out of my scrubs.

The banging on the door is now accompanied by Naruto's yells. I don't move; I don't deserve the warmth of his comfort.

Medic. Doctor. Healer. Savior. These are titles some people refer to me as, but no. I failed. The look on Lee's face proved that. I know he blames me. It's my job to save people, but no. I failed.

Tenten's funeral was today. I didn't go. I didn't deserve to go. The floor is so cold.


End file.
